Single and lonely, or in a relationship and miserable? Okay, that sounds pretty bleak, but sometimes people make choices in life to satisfy what is important to them.
Anybody who really knows me knows that I love the feeling of being in a relationship. Not to be misunderstood as “I need to be in a relationship”, that’s not the case at all. I have an amazing family, great friends, a job I enjoy, live in a city I love – I am happy. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t get lonely on occasion, I do, just like anybody else. Especially when you see those adorably cute couples doling out PDA at random. Now, I’m not talking about seeing a couple nearly making a porno in the street, you know the kind – when it makes you have to bite your tongue to not say “get a room!” I’m talking about something that some people wouldn’t even take note of, something seemingly insignificant – it could just be a certain look. Makes me gag a bit, but in that “aww, that’s so sweet” kind of way, you’ve just witnessed a random beautiful moment between two people who actually care about one another. It tends to make me feel a wee bit lonely inside, but also makes me all warm inside at the same time, to see people happy. But I don’t “need” a relationship to make me whole. I have a bit of trouble with the “you complete me” notion. It somehow makes it seem like maybe some part of you was not right until somebody else fixed that for you. I feel good enough on my own, I want somebody who complements my life, and I would expect that I would do the same for them. I don’t want a fix’er upper.
I’m meandering a bit, but the point I’m trying to make is that feeling that somebody can give you just with a look is to me the epitome of that relationship feeling I like so much. To me, that’s very important, that connection. Without that connection, for me, I tend to think “why bother”? Let me explain. Anybody can meet somebody and form a relationship, but without that connection, you’re just two people existing in the same space. Maybe it’s happy, and comfortable, but without that spark, that feeling that melts your insides, then to me, it’s not right. But for some people it’s enough. Is that settling? Maybe, maybe not. Depends on the person and if you feel like you are with somebody who is merely “good enough”. Because, let’s be honest, that spark, the butterflies don’t roll with you 24/7, I understand that. But if you’re with somebody who just fills space for you, then what’s the point? Companionship? Maybe. I tend to look at it from the point of view of what if I was with somebody who thought I was just “good enough” for them? If you think about it, that really wouldn’t be fair for either party. By them choosing “good enough”, they could potentially be holding themselves back from meeting that person who really rocks their world, and vice versa. Because maybe what’s just good enough for me, is the person of somebody else’s dreams.
If all I wanted was to just be with somebody, I could have had that by now. If I wanted to accept “good enough”, but for me just the basic companionship is not enough. I want the gushy insides. Maybe I’m chasing a fairy-tale, then so be it. But I also appreciate the fact that relationships are work at the best of times, and just because somebody may make you feel like you’re floating doesn’t mean that it won’t also take effort with them. So, whether your choice is to continue on with the search until you find somebody that makes you melt, or to form a relationship with somebody who provides a warm body nearby, I just hope at the end of the day that you’re happy about the choices you make. If you feel that you’ve had to give up your ideals along the way, then maybe there’s a problem. I’m just sayin’.