Have you ever agreed to buy something based on what the salesperson promised you, only to find out when you got home that you were duped? So now that hot pair of jeans that the sales lady told you that you would stop traffic in, is only going to stop traffic because they make your ass look huge! But you bought them. Why? Because you trusted what she told you. In the retail world this is a form of fraud called bait and switch.
That very same thing happens in relationships all the time – trust me, I know. It sometimes happens innocently enough – you meet a new person and they really want to impress you, so they pretend that they really love Justin Bieber* too, but really they wanting to stab themself in the ears with an ice pick when they hear him sing. They want so badly to relate to you, that the truth gets stretched. If this truth-stretching doesn’t cross the line, and is well intended, and all they have to do then is make it through a bad concert here and there to make you happy, then no biggie. Often times though, they’ve weaved so many lies to try to impress you before they even know how to get out of it. This is when it can take a sharp left turn and derail.
Sometimes the story weaving can get way out of control, even though the person knows themselves, and know that they’re digging themselves a hole that continues to get deeper and deeper. For example, let’s pretend that you’re having a heart to heart chat about morals in relationships, and they wholeheartedly agree with your viewpoint on dishonesty and deception (and, to be clear, your viewpoint is that these are BAD qualities). You think to yourself “Wow, this person really has the same moral views I do! Huzzah!” and off you go in to relationship-land, none the wiser, thinking you’ve met your moral equal. But ‘equal’ in this case turns out to be the equivalent of the “big ass” jeans that saleslady sold you. She sold you a lie, and you bought it, because you really loved those jeans. You loved them so much that you bought her story that they were perfect for you. When the truth is those jeans are horrendous, and will only make you feel horrible. People will point and laugh at how appalling those jeans are. Oh yah, and they give you camel toe. Take those jeans to the goodwill and wash your hands of them. Pronto.
Point is, sometimes people aren’t really who they sell themselves to be – even if they actually believe their own lies that they truly are the person they claim to be. Or even if they really WANT to be as honorable as they promote themselves, they just aren’t.
*any reference to the love of Justin Bieber is purely fictional.